Ever since I was in my college days, I always fight with someone. Every single year without miss. It started when I moved to MRSM Pasir Salak from MRSM Kuching. And of course, in every fight I'll always be the one whom being blamed by everyone. Not everyone but certain people. Yeah, I knew it. People just don't get it why I often fought with people. Why? Because they're not me.
Plus, I'm someone who really doesn't like to explain. In every incidents that happened to me, I won't talk and explain. Why? I'm just hoping they could understand it. But, maybe my expectations were too much. And they didn't understand me at all. Then I realised that, we can't make people to understand us. Coz, they're not in your shoes.
When I moved to Pasir Salak, I'm hoping a good starts with a new life. Moving here it was not my willing at all. But, to think it in a positive way, I saw the reasons why I had to move here. I thought they're going to help me out to suits myself with the new environment. But things happened oppositely. I couldn't adapt with new environment. I was trying so hard to consoling myself to go through the days here. I didn't tell anyone. I knew, lots of people were hurt by me not in physical way, but emotional way.
I don't like people to pijak kepala. I don't want they think I'm weak just because I'm new here. I've my own stands. But still people don't get it. They think I'm rude. Why? I just spoke out what I don't like. Got it? Day by day, year by year, things going too bad. I don't have anyone to share all of this. Like I said, I hate to explain.
So, when I was in my senior year, I tend to be someone who doesn't control her emotions and expression. When I hate something, I just show it. I didn't even think bout people's feel. Why? Because they never think bout me. Why should I? I became more sensitive. Why? I can't hold it back anymore. What's enough is enough. But still, they don't get it. I've withstand it for years. But still, they don't understand me. I did told this to my room mates, Jah Zainal, Iffah Ilias and Izzah Yadzir. Not to forgetting Ain Zaini. I hate to tell bout this coz end up I'll cry in regretion and depression for the whole night.
To Adlina Aisya,
I don't hate you frankly speaking. I just thought you would understand me instead giving the answer,
"I'm busy. Perkara biasa. Malas nak pikir. Benda remeh."Beb, I understand you're busy. But do you understand me? Probably, those matters were nothing, but it's a big thing. Yes, I admitted it that I always opposed your words. Why? We have different point of view. It doesn't matter actually. Maybe you're the one who couldn't accept it. Ad, I'm not someone who easily acceptting all your words. I have my own stands. You always gives the busy excuses to me. But it was actually you don't want to care about right? Why? Because you want people to look you good and better. I'm not someone like that Ad. I won't care what people think bout me because I knew what I'm doing. I'm not created to please everyone. And I'm not easily to fade away all those things that happened. I'll remember it till the last blood drop.
p/s : It's not easy to understand Lisa Rahmad. I hope you understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment